I AM GOING TO SHIT MYSELF LAUGHING DUREX IS SELLING CONDOMS DESIGNED TO MAKE WOMEN CUM FASTER AND MAKE MEN TAKE LONGER THIS IS SO HILARIOUS SO MANY MEN CAN’T LAST LONG ENOUGH TO MAKE GIRLS ORGASM TO THE POINT PRODUCTS HAVE TO BE MADE TO COUNTER THAT AND YET DUDES STILL TALK SO MUCH SHIT ABOUT HOW GREAT THEY ARE AT SEX
my friend Pete literally makes me cry with his snap stories
this is me, i am pete, love me
I BET THAT IF TWO KIDS LIVED IN THOSE TWO HOUSES THAT THEY WOULD COME OUT ON THEIR ALMOST CONJOINING ROOFS OUTSIDE THEIR BEDROOM WINDOWS AND TALK AND BE BEST FRIENDS AND FALL IN LOVE.
I will not write fluff to that. I won’t. No.
LUCY I FOUND IT
But what if instead of two kids, it was, say, a kid and an old woman? And at first they just ignore each other and keep their blinds down and curtains shut, but then the kid climbs out onto the roof one spring morning to get a frisbee and she’s got the window open bc it’s so nice out and she tells him to cut that out, it’s not a jungle gym and maybe the kid shows off a bit and nearly falls, and the old woman catches his arm…. anyway, so sometimes they leave the windows open and the kid’ll show off his comic books or asks what rhymes with ‘beautiful’ (and it’s totally for homework shut up), and the old woman tells him about all the protests and marches she took part in, and asks him the name of that one cute pop star (it’s absolutely for her crossword now shush). And the old woman gives the kid relationship advice and doesn’t tell when he tries a bit too much of his parents’ liquor cabinet one time, and the kid comes over and shows her how to use the smartphone her daughter bought for her and doesn’t tell when she sneaks a cigarette out of said daughter’s bag. And when the weather’s too bad to open the windows, they tape silly pictures or notes to the glass for the other to see (the kid makes sure to make his extra big so she doesn’t have to admit her eyeight isn’t what it used to be), and when it is nice the kid will sneak over and leave seashells on her windowsill, because the old woman said once she misses the sea, but she can’t travel like she used to. And one day he peeks in her window and sees her on the floor, and calls 911 and basically saves her life because she had a stroke and nobody would’ve known in time otherwise. And when she finally gets back from the hospital, just for a while because her daughter’s talking about a retirement home where she’ll have plenty of medical care and lots of friends her age, the kid comes through the window and then pulls another kid through the window who he introduces as his boyfriend, and says he wanted her to meet him. And she sniffs and interrogates the boyfriend in proper elderly relative fashion, and then declares him worthy of her boy— barely. And when she finally does have to go to that retirement home, the kid still comes to visit her, and always leaves seashells on the windowsill.
I’m not crying or anything
I am omg
Lol I don’t reblog much avengers stuff but this made me laugh
If a guy calls you princess in a condescending manner assert your newly appointed royal status and have him beheaded.
we need better sex ed because I know a girl who thought that the female orgasm always involved squirting so she fakes by peeing on guys and this needs to stop
Let her continue
i’m at the point where watching tv shows i haven’t seen before qualifies as being productive
If you don’t think soul mates exist after watching this I don’t even know what to say to you.
And what I love about it is how perfectly they match up, how much their lives connect and overlap, how much they love each other, but they still only think of each other as friends. I think that’s such an amazing kind of relationship. Non romantic soul mates are just beautiful.